


Such a Timeless Flight

by barelyjoyous



Category: Captain Marvel (Comics), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: M/M, space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-19
Updated: 2013-03-19
Packaged: 2017-12-05 19:24:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/727035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barelyjoyous/pseuds/barelyjoyous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve's first memory is sitting on the edge of his bed, his quilt wrapped tight around his legs, staring out the window at the stars. "there's whole worlds out there," his grandpa said, a smile on his weathered face, his hands straightening the blanket across Steve's lap. "Someday you'll touch them, if you want."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Such a Timeless Flight

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [spilling out in constellations](https://archiveofourown.org/works/553281) by [restlesslikeme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/restlesslikeme/pseuds/restlesslikeme). 



> so [restlesslikeme](http://archiveofourown.org/users/restlesslikeme/pseuds/restlesslikeme) wrote [this](http://archiveofourown.org/works/553281) forever ago, and started the downward spiral of getting lost in space. We played around in the verse for awhile, and we can't get it out of our heads. 
> 
> Also here's a [ mix](http://barelyjoyous.tumblr.com/post/45736605950/okayophelia-s-p-a-c-e-i-s-h-o-l-y)
> 
> This is rather disjointed, most likely doesn't make a lot of sense, and hasn't been edited. Title's from Rocket Man.

Steve's first memory is sitting on the edge of his bed, his quilt wrapped tight around his legs, staring out the window at the stars. "there's whole worlds out there," his grandpa said, a smile on his weathered face, his hands straightening the blanket across Steve's lap. "Someday you'll touch them, if you want." 

The first time he met Bucky, Rocketman was playing on the jukebox. It wasn't the old version his grandmother used to pretend not to sing when it came on the radio as she swayed across the kitchen. It was some breathy muted version, the words so distant that Steve could hardly hear them. Bucky was all fists and big eyes and Steve couldn't look away. 

"You've got stars in your eyes," Bucky had said, sliding a beer across the counter towards him, leaning his hip against the bar stool. 

xxx

Ten years isn't so long, Steve thinks when he signs the papers. Ten years and he'll be 37. It only seems like a lot, he assures himself and signs on another page. A child isn't fully grown in 10 years. 10 years isn't even an entire academic career. 10 years is roughly two presidents, maybe two and a half. 10 years is how long he's known Bucky, and it doesn't seem like it was that long ago. 

Ten years isn't so long, not when it means you get to touch the stars. 

xxx

Bucky cries. He screams and he yells and he smashes glasses against the wall. He throws Steve's belongings across their apartment and collapses into the corner, breathing and shaking and trying to disappear, and Steve tries to explain. 10 years isn't too long to wait for somebody that you love. 

xxx

Steve doesn't cry, but his throat swells up and his palms sweat, and he presses Bucky against their bed and hits record on his video camera and kisses down the side of his face. He whispers that he loves him, whispers that he'll name a moon after him, that he'll bring him back a rock from space. He promises, he promises that he'll come back, that he'll record a video every day. When he comes back, they'll get married. They'll buy a house out of the city, somewhere in the mountains and they'll look out their windows every day and see trees and rivers and the sky and each other. 

Steve kisses the tear tracks down Bucky's cheeks and presses his lips against his knuckles. 

xxx

Pete's eyes are bright - so bright when they take off. Steve thinks about Bucky, bundled up in Steve's leather jacket with his dog tags around his neck. He thinks about the video file he updated to the server and the silent tears that hadn't stopped streaming down Bucky's cheeks for weeks. 

Steve initiates the countdown and looks to his left and his right. His helmet is in the way, and he can't see the rest of his team, but if he tilts his head just right he can see Pete's eyes dancing behind his helmet, if he closes his eyes and listens he can hear Pete laugh as they take off. 

When they reach orbit, a safe distance to re calibrate the engines and double check life supports, Steve watches Pete look out the window. 

"Everything we've ever known can fit under my thumb from here," He says, holding a finger up and squeezing one eye shut. "And everything I've ever wanted is just in front of us."

Steve sucks in a deep breath and stares at the side of Pete's head. "Yeah," he says. "Everything."

xxx

Bucky's videos are short, but Steve's are shorter. Steve smiles, his eyes bight, and Bucky curls more into himself every transmission. Steve spends his time talking about the stars, and Bucky talks about things they used to do together, places they used to go. Steve tells him things Pete's said, games they've played, things he's found out about his life. Bucky's videos talk about their apartment, about the snow in Brooklyn and how cold it gets. 

xxx

In four years, they lose radio contact and enter the dead zone. They've been prepared for this, but Steve doesn't send a transmission before they hit the zone. He sits on the stool in the science lab and let's Pete trim his hair, reluctantly agrees to shave his beard, and helps Pete figure out 3D chess. 

xxx

Steve remembers looking at the stars from his bedroom window, but from here, from this close (even though Steve logically knows he's not closer to any of them) they look a little alien, and some part of his heart aches for the familiarity of the big dipper, of Polaris. 

Sometimes he looks out the window for too long and feels lost, feels himself falling into darkness and falling and falling and falling and there's nobody there to catch him, to pull him back, and it goes on forever. He could fall forever, he thinks. He could float away for another 10 years, another 10 million years and it would never end. He thinks about being a Captain, about being the first man to explore the universe, but his heart doesn't fill the way it used to. Mostly he's afraid of falling. 

xxx

When they land, Steve spends his time monitoring Pete, making sure they're still connected to each other and the ship through the harness. Pete keeps laughing, keeps getting distracted from collecting his samples by staring up at the alien sky, across the landscape, and Steve is suddenly so scared that he's going to float away that he calls out, reaches for him. 

"Won't float away without you, Cap." He says, patching communication through Steve's suit. 

xxx

Steve presses Pete up against the glass and kisses the side of his face, his eyelids, his lips. 

"Open your eyes, Steve," Pete whispers, turning his head to the side. "I can see all of it." 

Steve watches as his eyes glaze over and he holds onto his sides a little tighter. "Here with me, Pete." Steve says, his voice hoarse. "I need your feet on the ground with me." 

xxx

They leave the dead zone and Steve opens transmissions. He reports to ground control and opens a video channel. 

xxx

("It's not fair, Bucky, for you to wait there for me. I want you to live your life. I love him.")

xxx

Steve uses the last of their sedatives three years away from Earth. He has his crew confined to the living quarters, and he spends his days maintaining the ship, checking life support levels, waiting for radio communication to come back online. Steve knows if he lets one level drop, if he sleeps for too long, they'll never make it home. 

xxx

Steve doesn't check the transmissions for nearly a month. He swipes past the videos from family members, children on earth, news articles. He pauses when he sees a familiar face, and holds onto his chair as his heart clenches. Bucky's eyes are sunken, his hair is too long. Steve tries to recognize him, but he can't. 

xxx

"I don't know if I'm going to make it back."

"Why did you ask for me?" 

Bucky's crying. His jaw is set and his eyes are angry, but Steve can see tears streaming down his cheeks and he reaches a hand out to the screen and traces them with his thumb. 

"I still love you, Bucky."

xxx

"Look at it Steve." Pete's mostly naked, laying on his back in Steve's bed, his neck arched back to see the stars. "We could go forever and ever. We could touch a star, I bet we could Stevey." 

Pete's eyes are wild, and Steve calculates the likelihood that he could return the ship to orbit, could land her, by himself. He thinks about the six crew members ejected into space already and he bends down, kisses Pete as hard as he can, and holds onto his hand. 

"You want to go outside, Pete?"


End file.
